• i think i may change the blog site…i forced it to be something it really wasn’t and in an attempt of “creativity” forced it.  i don’t care for that so much anymore- it needs to be constructed in my own skin.
• studying for ARE exams sucks…i HATE it!!! but i’m still doing it.
• for the first time i went to someones house that was absolutely amazing (fellow archie who is renovating this moorish style home) and left, walked into my own home and instead of feeling jealous felt proud and excited of what we have accomplished on our own.
• forgot to record a football game for the hubby even though he reminded me…remembered at the half time and started recording- hope he doesn’t kill me.
• been feeling depressed and not sure why.  trying to be more active and think about all the positive things that i have accomplished- seems to be helping for the most part, but still not quite sure what is “off”.  also as a side note, everyone around me tells me how mellow, relaxed and unstressed i look and talk like these days- weird.
• went to my first concert at redrocks- fucking awesome.  at the end of the night all i could think about was what a privilege my kids were going to have seeing concerts there as they grew up, and then got completely scared at the notion because i was high from all the pot fumes in the crowd- now they aren’t allowed to go to concerts till they don’t live under my roof.

1. dear ms paulin you don’t get an ounce of sympathy from me for the “working mom” syndrom or all the unjustice that comes with it- well with anything that comes along with being a woman (see post does it bother me) for why i have no pity.  suck it up quite whining and deal.
2. dear ms paulin who will still make issue and play the “its not fair” card.  you are pro-life, a stance i cannot comprehend, but none the less it is your stance.  in doing so you are basically telling all women that you deal with whatever cards are dealt to you- regardless of how hard the circumstances.  i am pro-choice, therefore i want to be able to look at the cards before i pick which ones i want, and allows every other woman to do the same. 

apply item #2 to item #1 please.  ms pro-life, you have no choice in the matter so quit bitching about getting treated unfairly.  those were the cards you were dealt.  unless you want to re-consider and become pro-choice which allows every woman to make decisions for herself, in which case its not anyones goddamn business what you do. 

chew on that.

since 4pm yesterday till now I have:

• straightend the house before baysitter arrival- inlcuding sweeping of floors, put clean dishes away and replacing with dirty ones
• gone to a parent teacher conference
• played with  kids for a bit
• hauled out fall/winter clothes and done (4) loads of laundry
• cleaned the kitchen floor
• put all the CSA goodies away
• cleaned the dining table and floor
• put the mr to bed
• worked on work for 2 hours
• slept wedged between the mr and squash
• woke the mr up
• fed the kiddos breakfast
• made the kiddos lunches
• helped get the kiddos dressed

since 4pm yesterday till he has:

• picked up the csa box
• picked up a kiddo and myself
• played with the kiddos or watched them play
• went to parent teacher conferences
• made dinner
• watched tv
• fell asleep on couch
• moved to bed, slept more
• woke up late (thank you mrs?)
• got dressed
• made own lunch
• helped get kiddos dressed
• took kiddos to school

does it bother me more that he did “less” than i did, not really.  does it bother me more that he hasn’t said a word of gratitude or any sort of conversation to me since eating dinner last night, probably.  does it bother me that i am “missing” out on time with my kids now so i can spend more time on a camping trip with them all this weekend, no.  does it bother me that he is rolling his eyes at me for not spending time with the kids, hell yes.

ht tp://www.brasschecktv.com/page/325.html

honestly i can say that yes i am afraid, rightly so, that the fucking republicans have got so many people scared shit less that they don’t know which end is up any longer and don’t know how to challenge anything, and because of that will win.  goddamn-it if they win.  and dear lord i am sorry for using your name in vein, but please take it as a serious prayer for concern and relief.  there is a man, there are a group of people who share in a fundamental belief of hard work, community, spirit and dreams.  please let these people be heard and give them the opportunity to heal the problems that we have created ourselves to make this world a better place in the image that you created it.

now for the rant.  mccain, is old out of touch man who can’t remember what he says from monday to tuesday.  honestly, i think a dog has a better memory than he does and i can’t imagine electing a dog to control my children’s future.  the economy- wait whats that?  oh yeah, he doesn’t know because 1. he has admitted repeatedly that he doesn’t and 2. he has so much fucking money the economy doesn’t hurt him like the rest of us (do you remember how many houses you have today senator?)  oh and while we’re on the economy- why on gods shrinking green earth (oh look there’s global warming..we’ll come back to that) has anyone noticed that the party who repeatedly says they are against government intervention, who for the past 8 years watched and helped two of the largest companies that have ever existed in this world (fannie and freddie anyone?) get so out of control to a boiling point of world global market collapse- whoops- let the GOVERNMENT INTERVENE and let every single american put a FUCKING huge monkey on their back to “secure” the debt of these companies to the rest of the world; hello friends, russia china japan saudia arabia nearly all of western europe and oh yeah iraq..we have plenty more to GIVE you- our blood sweat tears pain money childrens futures- hope that 8o billion dollar surplus can someday fix a fucking road without costing us americans every freedom we’ve ever known- Did anyone else notice that they had slipped out the back door?  i’m slightly concerned at this point that the money in my bank account is all an illusion- and my children’s futures look a little bleak to me- but hey what the heck, this nominee is going to CHANGE things.  really, because so far i’ve just seen you do the same fucking tactics and bullshit that you’ve been selling to us americans as ‘perfume’ since you started this campaign.  oh and while we’re at smelling the roses mr.senator, you can still smell after all those years of torture correct? (and i do thankyou for your service to our country and my freedoms, but i also thank every other soldier who has done the same thing for our country- however they don’t use it as scare tactic to secure a presidential nomination, so excuse me for being bitter about how well you can market and sell your service to our country) but the whole global warming thing- which your running mate doesn’t believe in… well if she doesn’t believe in it, which means you don’t believe in it- then why are you promoting energy renewable alternative sources?  it can’t be because of the gas prices, hell you’re just gonna off shore drill and the prices are gonna drop the moment you say “drill baby drill” kinda like the way they did when your party begged and pleaded with the saudi arabians to increase their barrel per day quota- whew that about knocked me off my chair when i saw those prices- oh wait i didn’t.  and miss running mate- i am sorry that they are picking on your family, it isn’t fair but hello and welcome to the world sweetheart.  every working mom out there knows this and you pick your battles.  and btw you can thank hillary for taking alot of the heat off you- cause if she hadn’t done what she did- you would still be showing your ass off in beauty pageants in alaska.  oh looky there a DEMOCRAT paved the way for your gun toting, pro-life, don’t spend money (unless its on alaska) ass.  yeah you should send mrs.clinton a wolf hide from the helicopter in which you shot it from….but be sure to tell her thats a token of gratitude, because most of us wouldn’t get that. 

okay i got most of it out of my system…but beware, it will be back.

oh and i have to mention here…if your better half ever thinks that installing hardwired smoke detectors in your house is a good idea, smack him upside the head.  you can’t turn them off at 2am when they go off for no reason- without shutting the enitre power to you house down that is. brilliant.

thank you starbucks.

and thank you mr.obama for inspiring me and making me happy.

1. are studying.  last friday at 4pm i found out about a study session that was being offered on saturday from 8am-noon.  admist the late notice, the pouring and very cold rain (note we actually had to turn the heat on in the house), the shortened amount of sleep (see #2), and the huge disruption to weekend plans, and the cost- i went.  in doing so, i’ve started preparing for an exam i plan to take in 3 weeks, and have created a schedule for two other tests which are also having study sessions in the upcoming months.  good girl reina!
2. girls night out.  i haven’t done this since living here to be quite honest.  after the kiddos were tucked into bed it was off to a champagne bar with two other moms and we had a great time talking, learning more about each other, drinking and laughing.  thanks girls.
3. cleaning the house.  what kinda baby step is this you ask?  the kind that doesn’t stress me out.  each morning and evening i have been doing 2-3 little things to keep the house in shape.  i’ve gotten better about asking the mr and the kiddos to chip into as well.  the pay off- no stress when entering the house about what has to get done.
4. the job.  (this is where the mr is always right, damnit.)  i’ve made small baby steps to stop joining in the complaining and start figuring out how to help out instead- afterall maybe that’s what they are looking for?  i’ve had a few conversations with the bosses and all have turned out positive.  i think this is a good baby step, and i hope to keep improving upon it.

oddly enough an answer came to me at yesterday’s church service (thank you kiddos for going to the nursery so i could listen)- the title of the sermon was “faith is like love in marriage”.  and without going into too much detail, it came down to how much fear can cripple or hurt us, and i realized i am fearful of doing anything…because i don’t know where to start, so i just don’t.

seriously here….anyone got any advice on how to break the fear?  how do you take a baby step?  is it just on faith?  how do i know that i have enough faith (in me, in god, in anything) to do the “right” thing?