should have taken the blue pill
September 20, 2007
so there is a line in the matrix, one of my favorite movies, where cypher says to neo i know what you’re thinking, why didn’t i take the blue pill.
thats what i feel like right now, why the f didn’t i take the blue pill! i’m am falling down this rabbit hole and everytime i grab onto something to catch myself, it snaps and i am left tumbling down further in the footsteps of dear old alice.
enough already! why can’t i just hit the bottom? i am so tired of it, and i don’t know how much longer i can take the fall. i know it sounds dismal and oh so “poor me”- what the f ever, its not. i know that i have a good life and i am (in general) very thankful and happy with what i have, but falling out of control for this long isn’t a great feeling.
i’m angry, i’m alone and i’m sad. at the same time i’m aspiring, lustful and excited- but that’s the looking glass, right?
September 20, 2007 at 7:59 pm
I think there comes a time- particularly if you are feeling something akin to a hamster on a wheel- when you need to step back and make tough decisions about self, health, work, etc. While my pill isn’t blue, it’s a creamy yellow and it was instrumental in letting me get out of my own damned rabbit hole. Drugs (prescribed, of course, not the street variety) might help for you to stop spinning, take a breath, clear your head and figure stuff out. More or less you’ve already hit bottom. You just need to find your footing to stand.
September 20, 2007 at 8:00 pm
Oh, is it okay if I put a link up on my blog to this one?
September 20, 2007 at 8:11 pm
sure thing sweetie, link me up. i’ll put up a link to yours later too.
September 21, 2007 at 1:17 am
I wish we never sacrificed that stupid stop button on our life remote control!! I sure used that a lot back in the day. The thing that sucks about lonely – it’s one thing to be lonely with noone there, and it’s a completely other thing to be lonely when there’s someone sitting right next to you, and c. I think the reason we fall so deep into the neverending black hole is because it makes you appreciate what’s there when you finally get out all the climbing gear, convince yourself to hoist yourself up the dark ravine. Find your funny and remember you’re stronger than you ever thought you were! Love ya!!